My days as his
by alibabe
Summary: "Hello, Jasper." We begin Alice's journey over a year after "that night" when she once agains confronts the man others would call her "rapist", but she, she calls him her "lover". Does Alice have a mental illness? Or is she truly in love with her rapist?


_**Full Summary: Alice Brandon, at the young age of seventeen doesn't have a "perfect" life, but she is content regardless. On the final night of her spring break, her current boyfriend Edward Cullen, organises a night of celebration. Little does Alice know that Edward isn't the one she meets. We begin Alice's journey over a year after "that night" when she once agains confronts the man others would call her "rapist", but she, she calls him her "lover". Does Alice have a mental illness? Or is she truly in love with her rapist? **_

_**Please read. Tell me what you think. I'll post more, after graduation. Depending on the response. **_

Horrible.

Frightening.

Bland.

My description of this place was easy to think, but hard to bear. The eyes that watched me cause a cool shiver to run up and down my spine. Although I didn't look at them, I could still feel their eyes on me.

This was the easy part. Walking the darkened hall with the stares and the crude comments was the easy part. It took only a physical ability to move my legs, one step at a time.

The hard part was next. The appointment was set. I knew who I was seeing, but I wondered as the guard led me further down the hall, if they told him too. I would have asked, but my mouth was dry and my lip wouldn't move from the trappings of my teeth.

The guard stopped at a door and swiped the card attached to his belt. Something about Batman popped into my head in the moment, but it quickly disappeared at what I saw next.  
It was a one-way mirror, I hoped. The guard confirmed my hope and now I could tell he couldn't see me. The guard locked the door behind us and I jumped at the sound. Taking a steady and slow breath, I moved closer to the glass.

It was him, but then again… it wasn't. He was a different man than the one I saw in the courtroom over a year ago. He looked the same, but the vibe, the tingling was different.

"Are you ready, Miss Brandon?" James, the guard asked as I remembered his name. I left his question unanswered for a short moment. I stood still and watched. There was no need for hesitation. The past few days I prepared myself for what was to come.

"I believe so" My voice was small and quiet. He had that effect on me. Ever since our first confrontation, he had a physical effect on me. James nodded, somewhat understanding my situation. He was on of the only ones that didn't look at me like I was crazy. My own mother called me insane. Maybe I was. I didn't care. Would you call someone crazy if they visited their rapist in jail? In another case where it wasn't me, I would.

James gave me an encouraging smile and gestured to the door. I moved away from the glass as he opened the door for me. A cold, an ice-cold feeling shook me and I froze. He continued to hold the door open for me, courteously.

Was I scared? Very. But for different reason than you would think.

A cough from James helped me move and I stepped in front of him. Stepping underneath the bright lights I squinted slightly, allowing my eyes to adjust. At first I didn't think he realise my existence, but the clenching of his hard jaw told me other wise.

The door I entered this stuffy enclosure through closed and James blocked the only exit. I wanted to have a private conversation with him, but the court wouldn't allow it. They thought it was unsafe for me to be in a room alone with this man.

That is one of the reasons why he was not allowed visitors for the first twelve months of his sentence. They thought he was dangerous. I knew better.

The chair creaked and groaned under my weight and I feared it would break. He recognised me the moment I walked in here. His lips twitched and I hoped for a smile when I gave him one of my own. Instead of his warming smile, I received a grimace and his eyes flickered to fixate on a point above my head. It hurt to see his reaction, but it was to be expected. Ever since the day I was permitted to visit him I had imagined various situations and plots to how he would react when he saw my face again. I imagined smiles, tears and laughter. A moment of shock would happen first, then an embrace, followed by a beautiful work slipping from his lips and I would have allowed the tears to fall freely.

My dream shattered along with my heart into a million tiny pieces. I should have been upset by his reaction. But I was happy and I smiled freely.

"Hello, Jasper." I spoke and my voice echoed off the plain walls. "I've missed you." His eyes flickered to mine and back to the spot above my head. I couldn't read his face like I used to be able to. He wore a mask I've only ever seen on him once before, in the courtroom.

Silence. He didn't reply. I half expected him to. Then again, you could expect nothing normal from Jasper Whitlock.

A sound of chains clinking together reached my ears as he moved, or should I say attempted to move his hands. Handcuffs. They cuffed his hands to the chair. How could they treat him this way? Like an animal? He didn't deserve this treatment.

"I don't like the restraints." I said, facing Jasper but talking to James. Another clinking noise bounced off the surrounding walls.

"Sorry to interrupt," James began and you could hear the slight sarcasm in his tone. He wasn't interrupting anything. "It's normal procedure to cuff in meetings." I turned to look at him. "Especially in these… situations." I turned back to Jasper and attempted to pretend James wasn't there. He made it difficult by shuffling his feet every few second and coughing each time Jasper moved. Which wasn't often at all considering he sat there like a statue, perfectly sculptured.

Next time, and I hoped there will be a next time, I'm asking for the cuffs to be taken off. He was still silent and although he wasn't looking at me, I felt like he was watching me. The feeling made my skin crawl and tingle. The tingle was back.

"Is there a reason why you aren't speaking to me, Jasper?" I smiled as I spoke. His eyes didn't move from the spot above my head. He breathed deeply but made no sound. I breathed with him, taking in his scent.

"I know I'm not supposed to be interrupting." James spoke again. "But Mr. Whitlock here has made a vow of silence." He shuffled from one foot to the next. I held back a laugh. Jasper, silent? The man I knew wouldn't shut up at a moment like this.

"That's unusual for you, Jasper. Are you sure you have nothing to say to me? Because I have a hell of a lot to share." I teased slightly and that got me a flicker of his eyes and another deep breath. I had so much to tell him. But I won't dump it on him all at once. Small talk first. A little deeper second. Then I'll share the secrets. James breathing was getting on my nerves and he sounded frustrated.

"You're getting no where, Miss Brandon." He spoke yet again and I ignored him.

"It's alright, Jasper. I won't take you silence personally." I smiled and it grew when his mask faltered. "I know it won't mean much now. But, I'm sorry." I let the words hang in the air and for once James was completely silent. My own breathing stopped when bright blue eyes captured mine. He didn't smile, not even with his eyes. He scrutinised my face and I couldn't keep myself from staring. I sighed deeply when I realised I wasn't getting anywhere, like James said. I didn't want to leave, but I should.

"Oh," I said as I realised something else. "I stole this from you a while back." I reached down to my purse, which I placed beside my chair. I pulled out the book and placed it on the table in front of us. "I thought you'd like to read it again. Five times I've read this thing and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it." I pushed to old copy of 'Beastly' closer to him. The chains clinked again as he moved himself closer. A good reaction. His eyes were on the tattered and torn book. It wasn't particularly old because of the number of years it's been published for. But it's old because of the numerous times the pages have been turned. I remember sitting down on his couch reading the book with him peering over my shoulder to read along with me. I watched his silent expression as he lifted his head to look at me.

"Still nothing to say?" I asked, hoping and praying he would speak. Silent still.

His gaze moves away, back to the spot he was staring intently at before.

"I'd best be going then." I allowed myself to look away from this mysterious man to collect my belongings. James was already one step ahead and had the door open, waiting for me on the other side. I stood to leave and watched where Jasper's eyes were. A clock sat on the wall. You would have thought I'd noticed it's metronomic tick. But, I didn't. I was too far gone in my own thoughts to register its presence in the room. I took once last look at him before I turned away. Taking all of two steps in the direction of the clear, he spoke.

"Alice." My name rolled from his lips like water droplets on glass. Although I couldn't physically see his lips form each letter, my memory pictured it for me. I turned quickly and the expression on his face almost brought me to my knees. I wanted to drop my bag and run to his side to capture his large body in my small arms. I didn't though.

"It's like you to leave things to the last minute." I joked and I felt my throat constrict the words. He said nothing else. He didn't need to. His eyes said it all. They pleaded with me to stay. I could have stayed. But what would we do? Nothing. I would sit there and watch his stare at the clock above my head as I beg him to show even a little emotion.

"I promise I'll be back." I planned to keep that promise. Same time, next week. His eyes searched mine for lies. I hoped he found none.

"I promise."

He nodded slightly and went back to the clock on the wall, staring intently at it. I turned back and walked. I said nothing to James as he lead me back out of the building.

I didn't see the eyes, but I knew they were there. My feet wanted me to stop and turn back, to run to him. I tried to focus on moving forward and I almost stumbled once. Eventually I was free and once again was met with the sun. It's heat beat down on my face and I allowed my eyes to flicker closed. Tilting my head upwards I smiled.

I did it!

I saw him, without crying. I hoped for happy tears, and instead my face stayed dry. Until now. I brushed the tears away before opening my eyes once again. I got into my car and drove away. Not even two minutes into the drive home and I had to pull over to be sick.

**_Please leave a review :) I would appreciate it. Also, check out my other stories, especially So wrong, it feels good. Chapter 11 is coming soon! I PROMISE!_**

**_Alibabe xxx_**


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